So How Do You Spend Your Time?

Hank and the chickens, two of the ways I spend my time.

Last week a neighbor friend happened to be walking in my direction after I dropped my son at school.  We're friends, but we're still getting to know each other.  We were chatting, as one does in such a situation, when he innocently asked "How do you spend your time?"  It was a good question intended to get to know me better.  It wasn't asked in a snarky "why don't you have a job" kind of way that you sometimes read about on blogs written by women.  However, as a stay at home mom of almost 15 years, it's a question that takes me back a little. Most people's default answer is to name their work, say something about how they love or hate it and move on.  I used to say "I chase kids all day", but my kids are in school all day now and have been for some time.  I'm no longer sure how to answer that question in a concise, not too involved manner.  On this day, I flippantly said "well, we have all these dogs and cats and chickens so I spend a lot of time scooping poop".  It was a strange answer, perhaps a little TMI.  I might have sounded sarcastically snappish, which wasn't my intention.  It was definitely too odd for an easy response.  He changed the subject.  Now I feel bad.

It made me think though.  How DO I spend my time?  I have the luxury of being able to craft the life that makes me happy.  I am not stuck in a job I feel I need but that I hate.  I am not even working at my previous job (teaching), which I really liked but would definitely have left me drained and not feeling like I was as good at being a mom as I want to be.  I am able to spend my time doing the things I think are most important for my family and that bring us all happiness.  I do, indeed, spend a lot of time cleaning animal poop but that's a good thing.  Our pets bring all of us joy and we're lucky to have them.  Playing and snuggling with them is fantastic for the whole family.  Cleaning up is the trade we make for the dogs' joyous greetings or warm feet thanks to the cats or fresh eggs from the chickens.  It's a pretty good way to spend my time.

I spend an hour or so most days at lunch with my husband.  He recently merged his company with a much larger one and the transition has been stressful.  When he can, he likes to completely get away from work for a little while.  I have no doubt he has friends who would have lunch with him but being able to spend that time together is great for our marriage.  With three busy kids whose activities are just beginning as he gets home from work, some days this is the only real conversation we have.  Again, I'd say this is a pretty good way to spend my time.

Then there are the kids.  Like all moms, I supervise homework and musical instrument practice.  I chauffeur to dance and swimming and scouts and art.  I ask prying questions of my teen. I nag my middle child about her messy room.   I try to keep all the Pokemon straight so I can converse with my son.  I feed them, whether they like it or not.  Don't even think of asking me to to do something between 4:00 and 8:30 PM Monday through Thursday.  I am busy.  Having the energy and time to be really interested in them and help them explore their interests is the whole point of being a stay at home mom.  This is absolutely a great use of my time.

I also do all the miscellaneous stuff everyone else does.  Dishes and laundry and running the vacuum.  I squeeze in some yoga or take the dogs hiking.  I read.  I languish on Facebook. Sometimes I do a little volunteer work.   I take photos I like to share on Instagram. Occasionally, I'll write a little something.   I'm working my way through an awesome cookbook - The Pollan Family Table.  (This is a big deal for me - I don't care for cooking, but every recipe from the Pollans has been a keeper.  Totally worth the effort.  I'm trying all kinds of new dishes and learning new techniques. I'm kind of excited about it.  Weird.)

So this is how I spend my time.  I feel like my days are full and wonderful and satisfying.  I still don't have a short answer for the "what do you do" question.  I guess I'm lucky that way.

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