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| Rex and Ginny, last June. |
I have had dogs on my mind quite a lot lately. Last July, we lost our sweet Ginny to cancer. Almost exactly six months later we also lost her good brother Rex unexpectedly. We bred Rex before we knew he was sick, and his puppies were born at the end of January. All of these dog events have been running through my brain for weeks, more than ever now that we're so close to bringing two puppies home. It's no wonder, then, that I think I have been seeing ghosts. Ghost dogs, to be exact.
I have not been actually "seeing" ghost dogs, more like feeling them. Impressions of Ginny and Rex. I'm sure I could explain it away as my brain reverting to old patterns, sensing a dog in the corner because there was one for twelve years, that sort of thing.
This is different though. Sometimes, I feel like one of them is someplace they never really went around the house. For example, I plan to try to train the puppies to do their business in one corner of our yard. We have the perfect spot under some trees so there is a bit of shelter and the kids don't play there anyway. I set up a dog run so I can close the puppies in, but while I was doing it, I swear Ginny was lying on the edge of the grass with a pine cone, waiting for me to throw it. Of course I knew she wasn't there, but I kept feeling her, my brain kept telling me to look. Since then I have twice thought she was lying in the dog run, even though it isn't in a place she would lay.
Then there's Rex. I do still look for him in the corner of our room where he slept every night. His passing is so recent, it still feels funny not to have him there, or waiting to go out first thing in the morning, but there are other things. A section of our basement is set up with the tools and supplies my husband is using to remodel our house. Rex never spent any time there because we don't spend time there. We fetch the tool we need and leave. Rex liked to be where we spent our time and no where else. Lately though, I feel Rexy is laying by the tools all the time. Every single time I go down the stairs, I'm compelled to look for him there. Especially if it is dark, I'll actually LOOK for him before I think "What are you doing? You held him while he died." Yesterday afternoon, I took the garbage out and when I came back in to the house, I felt him there, hoping to go for a walk.
It is the weirdest thing. I know that because the puppies are coming home soon and I am very excited that I may have a little guilt about being so excited over new dogs when really, the old dogs are barely gone. But that wasn't our plan. The plan was to have Rexy here to help train the puppies. After all, Rex's father lived to be around 14 so we expected at least another year or two with him. Also, don't these new little ones deserve to come to a home that is excited for them? I mean, you'd have to be crazy to not be excited about these dogs,
our little heirloom puppies. We still miss Ginny and Rex. We can feel two things at once. Could it be Ginny and Rex might still be around enough to feel excited about the puppies, too?
This isn't the first time I've felt the presence of a loved one who has passed. So, maybe I am crazy. Maybe my brain is making a fool of me. Or maybe, the veil is thinner than we think.
