So, How Was Your Night? An Ode to Insomnia

Brain distraction device?  Check
Cozy sleep headphones? Check
Comfy pillow? Check
Sleep? No check

When I was pregnant with my first, I developed insomnia.  At first it was kind of awesome because I was able to get up and accomplish a lot during the night.  After a few weeks though, then two more pregnancies during which I couldn't get up and clean the house lest I wake light sleeper babies, it became less awesome.  Fortunately for me, it more or less went away once the babies were born but sometimes the old brain still likes to work overtime and I barely sleep at all.  I usually distract it with some Netflix on my phone (I even have special headphones for sleeping) or an audiobook.  Generally, distraction works like a charm and I sleep pretty well.  That was not the case last night.   I actually composed a sort of poem about last night as I blearily stumbled through my morning.

Sleep?  Who needs sleep?

My feet itch.

My head aches.

What?  Cutthroat Kitchen is over already?

I always sleep to Cutthroat Kitchen.

{An audiobook will put you to sleep.}

So does Alton Brown.

{You keep waking up when it’s over.}

I won’t this time.

{Uh huh.}

I’m awake again!?!

My feet itch.

I should bathe the cat.

I’m thirsty.

{Don’t get out of bed!}

I wonder what the cat is doing right now.

My arms itch.

Maybe I should turn on Good Eats.

{You should go to sleep.}

I should call my mom.

{Go to sleep!}

I’m hot.

Are the cats fighting?

Let’s make a list of what needs to be done tomorrow.

{Let’s not.}

I’m cold.

I wonder if my dogs are together again now they’re both dead.

I want some chickens.

How many chickens should I get?

What kind of coop should we build?

I want to paint it blue.  

No, it should be green.

No, blue.

Four chickens. 

One more episode.  Gotta get to sleep!

{NO! Don’t be an idiot!  Choose an audiobook!}

It’s only three. 

{You’re awake again dummy.}

My feet itch.

Where should I hang our new painting?

Did I lock the truck?

I should have put gas in the truck today.

Who is snoring?

Gosh I like this new pillow.

What?  It’s already five?  

Okay, okay, audiobook, here I come.

*beep*beep*beep*

Six.

Six -thirty.

Uggggghhhhhhhh. 

{Well, at least your feet don’t itch.}

SHUT UP